Don't Expect Too Many Updates

The DT has actually increased in quality over the past year. This means that it is completely worthless now. It isn't bad enough for humor, and it isn't good enough to stimulate. Bluh. All good things must end.

I will loyally continue to post terrible content, but I refuse to lower my standards. Stay in touch.

Mediocre Star Posthumously Accorded Talent

The next time you think to yourself, "Man I fucken wish I wrote for the Onion! I could totally do that shit," think of this guy and how hard he fails. You don't want to be this guy, and trust me, you aren't funny either.

If you couldn't stand that, then whatever you do don't click here.

Indie Festivals not Worth the Hype

If you've ever been to a concert of any kind, then read this to learn how you've been tricked.

Only McCain Offers Complete Package in Bipartisan Plan

America is broken, and John McCain knows it. You know it. He knows you know it. He's got simple plans. Don't worry. The world is simple, and John McCain wants to fix it for you. That's right. Just drift off to sleep and John McCain will fix everything. John McCain. . . John McCain . . . John McCain . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Bamboozled Into the Life of Being an Adult

It's Wednesday. Which means that Shaia Moore is once again betting on the muse, only to find that she doesn't have one.

The Morbid Side of a Killer's Psyche

Read about how Jared Leto has been in movies, and this time he's in another one.

Cell Phones Bring Risks, Dangers, Along With New Lifestyle

Amy Baack comes to the stark realization that cell phones are a big part of life.

Southern California Metal Band Refuses to be Stereotyped

Let yourself fall into the mind hole that is the world of Avenged Sevenfold.

Religion, Race Complicate Value-Based Voting

Value based voting would be so much simpler if only people didn't have any values.

Tweens Discover Exciting New Pastime of Self-Injury

In related news, a new craze known as, "rock 'n roll," is corrupting the nations youth at an alarming rate.

Sex Education Classes Prevent Few Problems

A columnist struggles with the facts of life.

Facing Grown-up Life is A Scary Thing to Do

This reporter, (aka Tim) will be leaving USC with memories of all of the rad stuff (i.e. two different versions of Fight Club) that he has come to love so much during his experience in college.

Open Letter

If only it weren't in vain.

Living Large in the U.S. Rock Mecca

The harrowing tale of a burnt out groupie.

'The Sopranos': T.V. at it's Addictive Best

The sopranos was a show. She likes it.